You never forget the first

Watching a movie at Westgate theater, Sunday evening, 1999. Can't get comfortable. Uneasy in my seat, and a stabbing pain in my elbow...what is that? Muscle? Clot? No matter how I adjust, I cannot get this odd, rising feeling to subside...is it because of the pain, or is the pain the cause of it? Can't tell, can't relax, can't settle. Didn't have much caffeine today, so not that...but I feel fine, don't I? Pain finally vanishes, or more like it dissolves, some kind of rush, a small one, relief from unusual pain? Settle back into movie, focus...eat greasy popcorn, sip ice-diluted soda..pain back. What the heck is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? Don't I feel fine? Then why am I worried? What could it be? Bend arm, wriggle about...nothing. No rest, no ease. Frustrated...cannot watch movie, but almost over. Time to go. Walk hastily through theater...what is my hurry? Cannot slow down. Outside, foggy. I love fog...why, then, do I feel claustrophobic, closed in, trapped? Where can I go to escape this? Escape what?! Into the truck, back to his apartment, almost time for the X-Files, then back home. Home. Driving down highway, want to roll window down, but too cold, but do I care? Need air. Elbow hurting, hurting, gone, dissolved into tingle spreading outward down to feet, crawling up legs slowly slowly what is it and where is it going and what will it do up legs still getting closer to my heart oh god my heart it's gonna stop my heart can't breathe here it comes ok past heart still alive but still it climbs whatever it is trapped what can I say it sounds so crazy oh no up to my head my brain there it will kill me for sure here I go what a way to go from what I do not know oh god what will happen when it gets there ok alive but holy crap too much energy and nowhere to go nowhere to go breathe breathe...breathe. What the hell was that? I just had the strangest feeling, just then, it felt like it crawled all the way up me! Breathe. You are ok. Ok. To the apartment. Still not feeling too settled, am I sick? Maybe if I lie down, try to lie down, cannot lie still to save my life. Gotta get up, but why? Gotta pace, walk a rut into the tiny floor of the tiny apartment. Can I sit? Nope, can't sit. What is wrong? Is something wrong? All I want to do is go home, home, yeah, that's it. That will make me feel better. Gotta go home.