You never forget the first

Watching a movie at Westgate theater, Sunday evening, 1999. Can't get comfortable. Uneasy in my seat, and a stabbing pain in my elbow...what is that? Muscle? Clot? No matter how I adjust, I cannot get this odd, rising feeling to subside...is it because of the pain, or is the pain the cause of it? Can't tell, can't relax, can't settle. Didn't have much caffeine today, so not that...but I feel fine, don't I? Pain finally vanishes, or more like it dissolves, some kind of rush, a small one, relief from unusual pain? Settle back into movie, focus...eat greasy popcorn, sip ice-diluted soda..pain back. What the heck is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? Don't I feel fine? Then why am I worried? What could it be? Bend arm, wriggle about...nothing. No rest, no ease. Frustrated...cannot watch movie, but almost over. Time to go. Walk hastily through theater...what is my hurry? Cannot slow down. Outside, foggy. I love fog...why, then, do I feel claustrophobic, closed in, trapped? Where can I go to escape this? Escape what?! Into the truck, back to his apartment, almost time for the X-Files, then back home. Home. Driving down highway, want to roll window down, but too cold, but do I care? Need air. Elbow hurting, hurting, gone, dissolved into tingle spreading outward down to feet, crawling up legs slowly slowly what is it and where is it going and what will it do up legs still getting closer to my heart oh god my heart it's gonna stop my heart can't breathe here it comes ok past heart still alive but still it climbs whatever it is trapped what can I say it sounds so crazy oh no up to my head my brain there it will kill me for sure here I go what a way to go from what I do not know oh god what will happen when it gets there ok alive but holy crap too much energy and nowhere to go nowhere to go breathe breathe...breathe. What the hell was that? I just had the strangest feeling, just then, it felt like it crawled all the way up me! Breathe. You are ok. Ok. To the apartment. Still not feeling too settled, am I sick? Maybe if I lie down, try to lie down, cannot lie still to save my life. Gotta get up, but why? Gotta pace, walk a rut into the tiny floor of the tiny apartment. Can I sit? Nope, can't sit. What is wrong? Is something wrong? All I want to do is go home, home, yeah, that's it. That will make me feel better. Gotta go home.

The gut never lies

A few words about my gut, but not in the wheat vein.

I've learned over the last few years that in the end, whatever the situation, I ought to have trusted my gut feelings. It almost never fails, and frankly, it's a little scary! If I seem to have figured this out, how does it keep happening that I try to push past it? How do I keep coming to that late realization?

I think we are conditioned to trust until the subject is proven untrustworthy, believe he is innocent until proven guilty, give the benefit of the doubt, be understanding of a bad first impression, and so on. Noble concepts, to be sure. I believe they should be practiced, but only at first. If you cannot talk your gut out of something, it may have something important to say.

If you have learned to listen to your intuition, even if it was the hard way, it will continue to speak to you. And, by habit, you may fight it, try to talk yourself out of it, logic it away. All I can suggest is to keep an open dialogue. It's the only way to know if it has something of value to tell you.

Of course, maybe your intuition is a jerk and tries to tell you that your polka-dot pants look awesome with a plaid shirt.

The word DUH comes to mind...

You are a Social Liberal (85% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (13% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist (13e/85s) Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Like a vegetarian in a meat market...

Trying to order a wheat-free meal in a restaurant is an exercise in patience. More often than not, you are isolated in the salad portion of the menu, sans croutons. I guess that's healthy and all, but hey, every so often I need something smothered in melted cheese, OK?! Enter nachos...so long as the tortilla chips are of the corn variety, you are usually safe. Rice-based dishes abound, but watch for those of the Asian persuasion, because then the soy sauce could get you.

Grocery shopping becomes a bit like detective work, too, as you scrutinize every label for wheat and its derivatives. Labelling has become much better, with warnings for common allergens, but the ingredient scan is hard habit to break.

Fortunately, many stores have specific sections (albeit small ones) which contain wheat-safe products. A handful of restaurants have offerings catering to the needs of the wheat-challenged, as well.

Some of my faves:

Trader Joe's - Grocery store of the gods, they publish a list of their gluten-free products (not the same as wheat-free, but it is usually covered here). The Organic Brown Rice Pasta is awesome, though does not translate well in cold pasta dishes.

Hawthorne Fish House - All sorts o' fish & chips, all made with rice flour. Safe for me, and damned tasty, too. Will even satisfy you Portland flour eaters out there. Do try the deep fried cheese curds...gooey heaven!

Old Spaghetti Factory - Did you read that correctly? Oh yes. They recently began offering a gluten-free pasta as a substitute in their standard spaghetti dishes. I no longer need to deny myself my occasional mizithra and clam sauce indulgence.

I am still searching for a really good pizza crust recipe/mix...

Musical Cubes

Reorganization is becoming a way of life. The business world is certainly not for the faint of heart. Evolution on a very small scale and at a much quicker pace than found in nature...enough to make anyone a little dizzy.

We'll get through this, too.

Adventures in Sweeping

I don't need to explain this special phenomenon to anyone who owns a cat and hardwood floors. You manage to crouch down to get the broom under any piece of furniture, only to pull it back out...with a brand new cat attached. I'm not sure how a creature so small can produce a fuzz farm like this. I affectionately refer to the fluffy creations as 'tumblecats'. If you have them, you understand.

SEE THEM BLOWING AROUND
SO QUICKLY FORMED ON THE GROUND
ON THE END OF MY BROOM THEY ARE FOUND
DRIFTING ALONG ARE THE TUMBLING TUMBLECATS

CARES OF CLEAN FLOORS ARE BEHIND
NOWHERE THAT I WILL NOT FIND
A CAT HERD THAT BOGGLES THE MIND
DRIFTING ALONG ARE THE TUMBLING TUMBLECATS

I KNOW WHEN CLEANING IS DONE
THAT A NEW CAT GANG FORMS AT DAWN

I'LL KEEP FLOATING ALONG
TRYING TO BUTCHER THIS SONG
UNDER MY COUCH I BELONG
DRIFTING ALONG WITH THE TUMBLING TUMBLECATS.

Language is fun

I had to take a linguistics class for my degree. Never having really delved into that side of language, I didn't know what to expect; I'd been immersed in Grammarville for so long. One of the first things I learned in this class, interestingly enough, was that if a point is successfully communicated, however gramatically incorrect it may be, the the purpose of language is pretty much served. And yet, I cannot read ANYTHING without at least a mental red pen going over every tense choice, each punctuation mark. I do not claim my writing is perfect...but I hope I at least sound somewhat coherent. Unless it's happy hour.

Another fascinating language phenomenon is the formation of new words. I guess it stands to reason that as the world evolves, so should the words we need to describe it. But some of these new formations just make me laugh.

Like 'emoticon'.

It certainly says exactly what it is, right up front. Emote + icon. Can't get much more clear than that.

But...if you add a number to it, doesn't it totally sound like a Star Trek planet? Can't you hear Picard ordering someone to beam down to Emoticon 5?

Maybe it's just me.

How it all began...

I never intended on starting a blog. However, a while back, while lamenting the fact that I can no longer eat wheat without annoying symptoms, I thought there should really be a site somewhere called Wheat is in Everything. Because it is.

OK, not everything. But a lot.

I dare you to try to exclude it from your diet for just a week. Or, just take a trip down the prepackaged, over-processed frozen food aisle at your friendly grocery store. Good luck finding something that isn't pasta, bread, or breaded. Check the label on your favorite can of soup or chili. Soy sauce, salad dressings, etc. It's all around us. And I can't eat it.

I am not complaining, mind you. Discovering the culprit of years of unexplained wheeziness, itchiness, and stomach cramps galore has been a life saver. But it ain't easy, I tell ya.

Here's the best part. I've been a hay fever sufferer for life, and I would often think to myself how lucky I was to not have a food allergy. Life lesson: do not tempt fate in this manner, or you will be answered.

I don't plan to make every entry here a wheat rant, but I gotta do a little bit to support the title. Maybe I'll chat about the house, the hubby, the cat...whatever gets me feeling wordy.